August 5, 2009

Roller Coaster of CRAZY

I have a confession: I skipped Weight Watchers Saturday and didn't have a legitimate excuse. I didn't go because I had gained nearly the 3.6lbs that I had lost the week before. WHY? Because of my injury, I missed over a week (30 miles) of running but still ate as if I were running. Not the best plan ever, I know. I'm living the consequences. I have to buck up though because of my rule: NEVER miss two Weight Watchers meetings in a row. NEVER.

Let me go into detail about my INSANE emotions this week. So, the leg has been hurt, right? Well, this leads to sheer PANIC because of who I am: I am a quitter. Always have been. Working on changing that. Ever since I started Weight Watchers (this time) there's something deep inside that tells me I'm going to quit. I've quit all of the other 10+ times I've joined. Why would this be any different? I have to fight it all of the time. All of the time. With exercise, it's always been the same...I've quit. Therefore when I started running classes with RunOn, I assumed I would quit. It's what I've always done. It's what I do. Again, wanting to fight this feeling, I continue to sign up for more challenging classes and run. Like I've said before, I REQUIRE accountability. Weight Watchers meetings and RunOn classes keep me accountable. They are wonderful and suck at the same time. I HIGHLY recommend both!!! So...this injury freaks me out because I think to myself, "Here's your out, Caroline. Your excuse. You can quit now". AHHHHH! Go away!!! Seriously. The panic comes from NOT wanting to quit but feeling like I'm so far behind each run that I miss. Conclusion: FOOD. CRYING. FOOD. I didn't say this was the RIGHT conclusion, but it's what happened.

GOOD NEWS!!! On Sunday, I made it 9 out of 13 miles (though I shouldn't have run because of the CRAZY pain). At mile 9, my leg said, "That's good enough," and I was done. Still felt great after barely running that week. I'm feeling MUCH better now and feel like I am ready to get back to the training schedule. Please pray for me!

MORE GOOD NEWS!!! The weight that I had gained last week is back off. Looks like I will lose about a pound this week, and I'll take it!

One more food story before I go. So, I have been working on my classroom all week. On Monday, I worked really hard for 3-4 hours and then came to a stopping point. I stood in my room, with NO idea what to do next but knowing that the "TO DO" list was overwhelming. I started worrying about everything that needed to be done. All of a sudden, I wanted one thing and one thing only: a Sonic bacon, egg, and cheese breakfast burrito, large tater tots, and a large Dr Pepper. I guess that's three things, oh well, you get where I'm going. Here's what I'd like to explain: me WANTING this was nearly uncontrollable. I found something to take my mind off of it for a bit but the second I stalled, the craving was back. Apparently, my cure for stress this day was grease and sugar. I could nearly taste the food in my mouth (because I ate this every morning for six months in 2007)!!! So, I started to get upset at myself for how CRAZY strong this craving was. As I was walking to the car, I was saying OUTLOUD, "It's not worth it, Caroline. It's not worth it." Didn't matter. I was still going to get it. Which brings me to another pitfall: EATING IN THE CAR. Don't do this. There's no accountability. It's dangerous. I could write an entire entry about CAR FAT. That was me. Back to my story...yeah, I was totally going to Sonic. I was upset about it, but still definitely going. I started breathing heavy because of how much I wanted it but knew it was wrong and in desperation (yes, desperation) I grabbed my phone and called Scott. I knew he wouldn't understand (the boy could have chicken and broccoli every night and not feel like he was depriving himself of anything) but as long as I could keep him on the phone until I drove past both Sonics on the way home, I would be good to go. It worked! It totally worked!!! Scott may think I am a little insane but at the end of the night, I saved hundreds and hundreds of calories. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

So, I share these things because it helps me to face my problems. Also, I hope that people that read the CRAZINESS will feel like they're not the only person that really, really struggles with food and weight loss DAILY. I know I'm being vulnerable and I am okay with it.

Until next time...happy EATING and EXERCISING!

July 29, 2009

Cheers and Tears

DISCLAIMER: What you are about to read is EXTREMELY random (to this day I feel like I should have been diagnosed with ADHD). Also, I'm very forward, blunt, open, and sometimes gross. Sorry, that's how I roll. Enjoy!

CHEERS! There are MANY wonderful things going on in our lives right now! We are very fortunate to have been married for just under 5 years, lived in our house for nearly 3 years, to both have great jobs, and most of all to have loving and supportive friends and families. We've got it pretty good and are very grateful.

CHEERS! We had a TON of fun with friends this past weekend. Between wine tasting, frisbee golf, and the Sunbelt Company Picnic, great times were had by all!

CHEERS! Scott has just ONE MORE MONTH of RoughRiders baseball! I can't wait for the day when I ask, "How was work?" and he responds something other than, "busy and stressful." It's not too far away!!! So proud that he is near the end of 6 seasons with the RoughRiders.

CHEERS! Weight Watchers Update: So this past Friday morning (not my usual weekly meeting) I went to weigh in. My past SEVERAL weeks have been very tiny losses (to be expected now that I'm much closer to my goal). Well, this week was AMAZING. I lost 3.6 pounds...WHAT??? Crazy, I know. The funny thing is, my week wasn't really all that different. My food and exercise was nearly the same. There's no magical determinant as to why my body chose to drop weight like that. I'm NOT complaining though!!! I haven't had a weight-loss week like that since February! AMEN!!! So...the magic number is currently -64.2. Not too shabby.

TEARS. Let me start off by saying that I am all of a sudden crying ALL OF THE TIME. It's ridiculous actually, ask my mom or husband and they will confirm. It's not just during my "special" weeks and I'm not pregnant. Just crazy emotional and self reflective. Watch out...I might cry to you.

TEARS. Oh Facebook, how I love you. How I spend TOO MUCH TIME on you. WAY TOO MUCH TIME. So, if you check out my photos, you'll notice that there's not a lot from 2004-2007. Some, just few and far between. There's a reason for this. Fluffier Caroline had the choice (thank you digital cameras) to delete pics that were less flattering (to be honest, that was most of the pictures taken during this time period). So, I'm safe, right? Well apparently, it's cool now to post WAY old pics on FB. WTH, guys? Am I really upset at people for doing this? No. It has been really good for me. I had erased all memory of what I looked like during these years (and before) so it was saddening and interesting all at the same time. I knew that I had weight to lose, I guess I was just in denial...A LOT of denial. I look at fluffier Caroline and think, "That poor girl. That poor clueless girl." I was SO unhealthy and barely knew it.

TEARS. I am not perfect (mom is laughing). If I listed what I ate yesterday, you would shudder. I have forgiven myself and moved on. Today has to be better, right? I'm starting the day off right: coffee, yogurt and oatmeal. Must take the Reeses peanut butter cups and throw them out. But they're in the freezer...with the left over Girl Scout cookies! Ahhh!!! And you wonder why Scott and I only keep chicken, rice, and steamer bags around the house. I am a food monster. You'd think after losing this weight, I would be CURED. Nope, hate to disappoint you. I am an addict...addicted to food. I struggle with my food choices EVERY SINGLE DAY. I'm not going to quit though and I want to be held accountable. If anyone sees the pounds creeping back on, you might say to me, "Wow, Caroline. Been eating a lot of Chili's boneless buffalo wings?" LOVE me some boneless buffalo wings.

TEARS. Owie owie owie. If you've read my FB posts, you'll know that I have my first running injury. While I'm trying VERY hard not to let it get me down...there have been a lot of tears over this stupid knee. I'm taking the week off (sort-of) hoping it will heal on its own. Pray that it will heal on its own. I'm TERRIFIED that a doctor will tell me to take 6 weeks off. I am marathon training here, people. That is NOT an option.

Until next time...

-Less Fluffy Caroline

July 19, 2009

WE DID IT...First 15K!!!

WOW...what a whirlwind of emotions this first 15K was! For starters, I had everything perfectly laid out the night before. We were getting into bed extra early so that we'd get PLENTY of sleep for our 5:00am wake-up call. It was 9:30 and Scott was out. I was so jealous and CRAZY anxious about the race. As I laid in bed, my body was tired, my head felt tired but my mind was WIDE AWAKE. I was getting frustrated and the last time I looked at the clock, it was 12:30. I'm assuming I fell asleep a short time later. Thank you, Lord. It was a rough night.

As the alarm went off, I woke up, panicking that I had overslept but I hadn't. We got ready, grabbed breakfast and the cooler, and were off! We were running a little late which added to the nervousness I was already feeling.

It was about a 30 minute drive to Winfrey Point at White Rock Lake. There were 2500+ participants in this race and the parking was INSANE. We ended up parking in a neighborhood a little over a mile from the event. Every step I took, I was feeling more and more anxious. We were trying to hurry as we were meeting our friends, Chris and Jenny, in front of the Run On tent (Run On is who our running classes are with). We arrived at the tent and didn't see our friends. Due to the nerves, it was time for a bathroom break. The lines were CRAZY long and I had about 25 minutes. I told Scott to wait right where he was and that I would meet him there after going to the bathroom.

Standing in line for the bathroom, I am swaying back and forth (an uncontrollable habit I have) and watching my watch as the time ticked by. The announcer was calling everyone to line up at the starting line and I was only half-way through. There was NO CHANCE that I could run 9.3 miles without going to the bathroom first. So, I stuck it out, and with only 5 minutes until the start of the race, it was my turn. Would you believe that with the combination of nerves, panic, and being totally disgusted with the port-o-potties, I COULDN'T GO?!? Terrible.

I raced back to the tent to look for Scott and Jenny. Didn't see them...anywhere. WOW...the race was starting any second now. I was thinking that since I took so long, they came looking for me and we were just totally missing each other. So, I started the walk down to the starting line. Did I mention there were 2500+ runners? I was looking everywhere for a familiar face, preferably Scott and Jenny. Tears were welling up in my eyes and I was gearing myself up for running this race alone. I'm thinking, "You can do this, Caroline. It's only 9.3 miles and you've done 12 before. You've got this." My pep talks weren't going that well and the gun went off and the runners started the race. Suddenly, Scott comes running down the hill toward the starting line and I'm waving my arms like a crazy person. We looked at each other, both frustrated and confused.

We crossed the starting line and the race had begun. Scott said that he had been in the right place all along and swears that I never came by. Honestly, I have NO IDEA what happened but we missed each other completely. It didn't matter anymore because we were running together and that was a HUGE relief.

We started the first mile off fast...passing tons of people. Soon, we caught up to Jenny and other friends. Everything was working out.

With running, you know a few miles into your run if it's going to be good or not. Unfortunately, I wasn't really feeling it. Maybe it was the stressful events leading up to the race or maybe I didn't sleep or fuel properly, but regardless, I wasn't feeling great. It's tough when you look around you and everyone else in your group looks AWESOME, like they're having a great run. It certainly wasn't my day but I was running the whole thing, no questions asked.

This not-so-great run didn't get much better throughout the race. But guess what? I finished it! And I came in 13 minutes under my goal time...I'll take it. Praise the Lord for the amazing, cool weather. It made all of the difference in the world.

What do you want after a race? FOOD and WATER. What were they handing out? BEER. So, why not? It sure was good but not what my body needed. I chugged water after the beer. Probably should have been the other way around.

As we were walking to a shaded area to stretch, snack, and relax, I could feel pain in my toe and was pretty sure that I had lost a toenail. Lucky me, still attached...barely.

We sat and chatted with friends and then began the mile walk (which seemed like eternity) back to our cars.

We slept most of the day...just because we could.

July 17, 2009

A Sweet New Baby, 60 Pounds, and a RACE...

I consider myself lucky because I spent an hour holding the most PRECIOUS baby in the WORLD (no offense to my other friends with babies...I love everyone equally). What a little miracle. Lauren Kate Alban was born Thursday and is a joy! Scott and I got to visit the new family of FOUR at the hospital this week and couldn't be more excited for our sweet friends Courtney and Dustin. We are pretty sure that they make the most BEAUTIFUL babies in the world. So, don't know what you guys are up to but we'd like one this time next year, if possible. But seriously, momma and baby look GREAT and we couldn't be happier for our friends. God is good! I can't wait to spend more time with sweet baby Lauren.

Soooo...don't know if you read last week's post but I was discouraged because I didn't quite make it to -60 pounds last week. (Drum roll please...) I went TODAY and I'm down -60.6!!! Oh happy day. You may think...WOW...that girl has discipline. Please don't be disappointed that I celebrated with new jeans, a watch, boots, Sonic, and cake. I ALWAYS celebrate with presents to myself but those presents don't normally include FOOD. In fact, I never celebrate with food. I am just being honest because I want people to know that successful people (in the weight loss world) mess up too. I am NOT proud that I had a Sonic kids meal for lunch and I am not proud that I had dinner's worth of calories in cake (and wine and cheese). I'm just trying to be BRUTALLY honest and let people know that no one is perfect, everyone makes bad choices here and there, and then we forgive ourselves and make better choices at the next meal. No quitting allowed. That's the matter what, don't quit on your weight-loss efforts!!!

WOW. Tomorrow will be my first 15K EVER! For those that don't know, a 15K is 9.3 miles. Now, Scott and I have run up to 12 miles but not in a SCARY race. Races are terrifying and wonderful at the same time. They make me CRAZY nervous and force me to take Immodium but completing them is an INSANE feeling of accomplishment. There is nothing like the adrenaline of a race...nothing. Please, sign up for a 5K (3.1 miles) and go for it. So the race is called "Too Hot to Handle". Luckily, tomorrow should be pretty nice considering that it will be one of the coolest days we've had in a while. We'll see...I will let you know if we survive. Keep it real.

July 12, 2009

My Thoughts Today...

So...are blogs just for typing your random thoughts? Like a diary you share with EVERYONE? I don't read other blogs (with the exception of a few) so I'm not quite sure how all of this goes. Everyone seems to have kiddos to write about. Not me (yet). Did I mention I want 4? Wow, the clock is kind of ticking. Does it seem possible to have all 4 by 35? Hmmm...let's see: I'm 27 so 35 is 7 1/2 years away, right? Wow...seems like a short amount of time to have 4 kids in. Maybe I'll get lucky with a two-for-one pregnancy. That should speed things up. But seriously, 3 minimum and 4 maximum. I'm the oldest of 4 and LOVE LOVE LOVE it. My siblings mean the WORLD to me and I want the same for our kiddos. Speaking of kids, I am VERY obsessed with names right now. Maybe because it's summer and there's not too much going on. Everyone says my boy names are pretentious. In Scott's family, all of the boys' names end with "tt": Matt, Scott, and Brett Burchett. So...I thought it could be cool to keep that going. I'm not totally set on this idea but here's what I've come up with: Bennett, Everett, Wyatt, and Abbott. WOW! Are my boys going to get beat up? Hopefully not. As far as girl names go, I don't care about the "tt". I like Elliott for a girl, and Ellie for short, but Scott's NOT buying it. The only thing I do know is that I want to use Catherine or Cate somewhere (after Scott's sister and my sister). Maybe I'm thinking about this too much seeing as how I'm not pregnant and don't plan to be soon. Which brings me to another thought...

Back in our first few years of marriage (going on 5 years now), I thought it would be THE END OF THE WORLD if we were to get pregnant on accident. Today, I have COMPLETELY different feelings about this. I used to think that everyone had babies and that it wasn't a big deal. Now I feel that it is the BIGGEST blessing in the world to become pregnant. It is such a CRAZY, WONDERFUL MIRACLE. I have so many friends that have tried and tried and still...nothing. So, where as it is not in our plans to have a baby right now (as we are MARATHON training!!!) if it were to happen, we would be surprised but THRILLED. The Lord's timing is what's important. I pray that when the time comes that we are ready to start a family, that I will be able to give it all over to Him and trust that He knows what is best for us!

Baby Brain ALERT!!! Maybe it's because my precious friend, Courtney is about to have baby #2...sweet, precious Lauren. Not to mention that her daughter Hannah and I had a BLAST hanging out last week. If Lauren is half as WONDERFUL as her sister Hannah, she'll be pretty special. I can't wait to meet her!!! We are praying for a safe delivery. We love you Court!!!

Weight Watchers UPDATE: Well, I had to skip the 4th (b/c of vacation and b/c WW was closed) but I did go yesterday. I DID weigh myself before-hand and WASN'T excited about going. We had BBQ the night before at mom and dad's and I wasn't as careful as I should have been and the scale showed!!! In the past 2 weeks, I've lost 1.4 pounds for a grand total of -59.6. Yes, this is VERY exciting but I REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to get to -60 pounds this week! I'm working very hard to make sure that it happens! I set my goal with my leader this week...I decided I want to lose 15 more. We will see how I feel after that. For more adventures in Weight Watchers Land, check back soon...I'm NOT quitting this time :)

Running UPDATE: WOW WOW WOW. We are "officially" signed up for marathon class. Today is the official first day. It's overwhelming and crazy. I cannot tell you how time consuming and physically demanding this schedule will be. It is OUT OF CONTROL! We are going to take one day at a time and PRAY that we make it to our goal: The White Rock Marathon in December. Mark your calendars and come cheer us on!!! We have a reasonable goal of finishing the race within 5 hours. Trust me, I will continue to update as the running saga continues...I promise that it will be FULL of drama, chafing, and lost toenails!!!

Thanks for reading!!! Have a SUPER Sunday and a week full of blessings!!! -C

July 8, 2009

VACATION...all I ever wanted!!!

Well, we just got back from 5 nights at the Hyatt Hill Country Resort in San Antonio and it was GREAT!  Scott was coming out of a 2+ week home stand and REALLY needed the break.  I was coming out of doing nothing and the break was still wonderful.  It's great to get away...especially when it doesn't involve flying anywhere.  

The Hyatt Hill Country Resort is really nice.  I would definitely recommend it to young families.  It's not the best place for couples without children because the resort is COVERED with kiddos.  Especially on the 4th of July weekend!  It's a very "woodsy" place with lots of trees and small animals.  If you are looking to get a tan, you have to get down to the pool early enough to reserve a seat in the sun (because most is covered and shaded by trees).  The rooms are nice and clean and the food is good (there are healthy options too).  Again, not a place for couples looking to relax in peace and quiet.  The spa was wonderful and Scott said that the golf course was challenging and beautiful.  It's a great place to get away for a quick trip!

So after having much weight loss success in the past few weeks, I swore that this vacation (food-wise) would be different.  It was, and with a 3-mile and 12-mile run in there, I was SURE that the scale would be my friend when I returned home.  Lesson learned.  I will now bring the scale with me on vacation.  I know that some people can get away with weight once a week or even once a month.  Well, call me obsessive, but I weigh every morning.  It helps keep me accountable for my choices that day.  I was weighing on the scale in the gym on vacation but it wasn't the same.  When I weighed this morning, I was the same weight as I was before I left.  Not too shabby...but I REALLY wanted to lose.  Guess I could have gone without the pastries from the Mexican bakery the other night...hehehe.

So running 301 comes to an end tomorrow and MARATHON training starts Sunday.  That is very overwhelming and scary for me.  The time commitment that's involved in training for a marathon is unbelievable.  Scotty and I are struggling with whether or not to train together.  He is better that I am and therefore should be in a 10:30 or faster pace group.  I am NOT about speed, just about burning calories and covering distance so I prefer a 11:00 or 11:30 pace.  Our friends have said that it's not as fun once you go your separate ways and stop running together so I am kind of freaking out.  We will see what happens.

I'm off to take a nap!

July 1, 2009

One Blog Per Year

So I bet people really get into our blog.  It's very fascinating and there's always something new going on.  HAHAHA!  Wow, I guess this just isn't really my thing quite yet.  Maybe someday I'll get really into it and blog everyday.  Just maybe...

Well, here we are in the middle of summer again.  Scott is through with more than 50% of the season and I'm off from school.  Good combo, huh?  His busiest time is my time off.  After 6 RoughRiders seasons, we really don't argue much about it anymore.  It's just how it is and we're used to it.

Let me tell you about my two obsessions lately: 1) weight loss and 2) running.  Though the weight loss is VERY SLOW, it's been steady and I have lost 60 pounds in 18 months!  I plan to lose 15 more and we will see how I feel then.   Wow...I NEVER in a million years thought that I could lose 60-75 pounds.  There are three main ingredients to my weight loss success recipe: 1) GOING to Weight Watchers meetings for accountability 2) NEVER giving up and 3) FORGIVING myself when I mess up.  Bottom line: I LOVE FOOD.  I always have and I always will.  I am constantly struggling to view food as fuel rather than a treat or present to myself.  I reward my success with pedicures, massages, and ridiculously expensive handbags rather than food.  I've learned that no matter how fat or how thin I am, I will always have to struggle with my love for food.  The difference now is that I recognize the problem and I am doing something about it.  Here's the deal...I could talk about my feelings about food, now on to running.  Yes, running.  I, Caroline Burchett, NEVER believed that I could be a runner.  Well, I went from barely squeezing out an 11 minute mile to feeling GREAT about a 7:46 6 months later.  I have trained, for the past 6 months, with Run On McKinney and Dallas and I feel AMAZING about my accomplishments.  Believe me...I haven't ever liked running and I didn't think that it was possible.  Today, I enjoy it and I'm not too bad at it either.  Scott and I are doing 22+ miles per week right now and are about to run our first 15K (9.3 miles).  After that, we will begin MARATHON training for the White Rock Marathon in Dallas.  CRAZY!!!

What else?  Let's see...we're going on vacation tomorrow to the Hyatt Hill Country Resort outside of San Antonio.  Should be fun.  The entire Collins gang is going and we always have a great time together.  It's PERFECT timing for Scott as he just finished a 15 game home stand with the RoughRiders.  We are REALLY looking forward to it!