September 28, 2012

Our BABY Story

"It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen, but it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you want." -Author Unknown

Our story is a long one...this is the short version.

We were married in November of 2004 and were babies ourselves!  We always said we'd wait 3 to 4 years to "start a family".  Well, 3 to 4 years came and went and we were really enjoying marriage and nothing seemed to be missing.  Our friends started having babies but the timing still didn't feel quite right.  Pressure was being put on us but we didn't feel it...we were very happily childless.  

In addition to our extremely fertile friends, we had a handful of friends that didn't have it so easy.  I had never really thought about infertility...but watching my friends battle this giant really struck a chord.  For some reason, I felt like it might be hard for us too.  I felt like that's why these people were in our prepare us for what was to come.  Scott and I even supported friends at an adoption event and the entire time, felt like we were there for a bigger reason.  Looking back, God was preparing our hearts long before our own personal struggle with infertility.

As 2009 came to an end, we decided that we might be ready.  In the beginning, negative tests weren't all that shocking or upsetting.  After all, there's so much that has to go right.  Though as time went on, we began to get discouraged.  Our world was rocked to it's core when we couldn't get pregnant.  All our lives, if we wanted something badly enough, we could work hard to achieve it.  Not so with infertility.

There's a lot of disappointment and heartache {and at times, anger} that comes with each failed cycle.  For us, it was 30 failed cycles.  Each month, we mourned the loss of what might have been and went through the grief process over and over again.  In the meantime, many friends were on their second {and some third} child while we remained a family of 2.  We began to consider the fact that we may not be able to have kids.  We lightly tossed the idea of adoption around but truly longed for a biological child.  Why would God put such a strong desire in our hearts and not fulfill it?

Infertility is a quiet struggle for was for us.  It's so personal and misunderstood.  Unfortunately, it's hard to understand unless you've experienced it first-hand.  It's a daily burden that doesn't go away and is constantly on your mind.  Anxiety, guilt and jealousy can be all-consuming and {over time} cause you to withdraw from friendships and more significantly, a marriage.

Scott and I were no exception.  Did infertility put a strain on our marriage?  You betcha it did.  We struggled and fought over dumb, insignificant issues regularly when deep down, we knew the root cause of our bickering.  Thankfully, our strong foundation held us together and we learned how to encourage each other through the extreme lows we were up against.  We began to genuinely trust in God's plan and timing for our lives.  We believed that we would become parents...we just didn't know when or how.  Our dwindling hope was renewed and we had a new found sense of peace.  Perhaps we'd always be Uncle Scott and Aunt Caroline and never Daddy or Mommy.  Regardless, with or without babies, we were in this {together} for the long-haul.

To our surprise, on May 2nd {2.5 years after we knew we wanted little versions of ourselves} we learned that we were finally pregnant for the first time!!  Several weeks later, we prayed and prayed for one strong heartbeat and were elated {and shocked} to find two...a DOUBLE blessing.  A two-for-one!
If there's one thing these babies will always know, it's how much they are loved and how much they were wanted.  We've prayed for these precious miracles for years and are floored that we get the opportunity to be their parents.  We ask that you join us in covering our little ones in prayer.
Though our journey to parenthood didn't quite go as planned, we know that when we hold our sweet babies in our arms for the first time, it won't matter how long we waited.  God's timing is perfect...and for that, we're grateful.

Thank you for reading!
Scott and Caroline

Our infertility story is just one of many and may seem insignificant to some.  We have dear friends that waited 5, 7, even 10+ years for their miracle baby {or babies}.  To those still waiting and those quietly struggling: we understand and hurt with you.  Cling to Jesus and to each other and have hope!  We pray that your time is coming soon and that find peace in God's timing.

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

"But now, Lord, what do I look for?  My hope is in you." Psalm 39:7


  1. :)
    What wonderful words to others struggling with IF.

  2. Caroline! This is such a beautiful story. I'm so very happy for you both! Feels like yesterday that I was at your wedding! God's blessings on you both!